Let the people OFF first. My god! I don’t understand how hard it is to just let them off first. You’ll have to move around again if you just get on first anyway. You will not lose time by running on the train or bus because guess what, they still need to get off! 🙂
Take your backpack off. You probably smacked that 5th grader in the face twice with it. It’s awkward and it just takes up unnecessary space.
Do not eat soup (or roti)on the train or bus. You are an obnoxious human being and honestly, that makes no sense. You WILL spill it. And your soup probably stinks. True story, someone was eating Roti on the bus and every single potato fell out the bottom onto my white shoes. Curry stains do not come out. It’s fair to say I wanted to curse him out at 6am.
Do not stand in the middle when showtime boys are trying to dance. We get it, it’s annoying but you’ll get kicked and we just want them to dance and get off the train.
Do not prevent the doors from closing more than twice. I get it, the first time your friend was running down the stairs. The second time, okay whatever, they might have dropped something. But 3+ times? You’re an asshole. People have places to go. There’s a train behind this one.
Do not lie to yourself. You know you’re a little chunky. Don’t try to squeeze in a seat where you’re positive you can’t fit. You make the other two people uncomfortable for the entire ride. It’s not fair and it’s kinda awkward to decide if we should tell your fat ass you’re sitting on our leg.
Don’t put your back on the pole! Especially if it’s crowded. Ugh. Be an adult and just hold on.
Do not play your music through speakers. I don’t care how great you think Kenny Chesney is, no one wants to hear that shit now or ever.
If someone is wearing headphones, don’t try to strike up a conversation. I’m almost positive wearing headphones is a universal sign that they do not wish to be bothered. Same rules apply for reading.
Also, do not take pictures of people who happen to fall asleep with their mouth open. It’s embarrassing already to wake up and realize you were knocked out, but it’s worse when someone’s holding their iPhone up and laughing. ( another true story, this has happened to me and I still cringe thinking of that day)
Do not mistake a crowded train for happy grab ass day. No explanation, just don’t be jerk. That’s sexual harassment. Keep your hands to yourself.
If you bring your bike on the train during rush hour you are an asshole. That’s it.
Don’t demand someone to give you their seat. First come first serve. You are not entitled to a seat. Everyone’s tired. You aren’t special. Asking is another story, still frowned upon, but I’d give my seat up to someone who asked way before I bat an eyelash at someone who demanded me to give it to them.
Pay attention to your goddamn kids. Don’t let them run around the train. They will fall and buss their lip when the train stops. I’ve seen it happen. Don’t let them lick anything.
When the occasional crazy person gets on the train, please ignore them. Do not tell them they’re crazy. They will not care and you’ll look crazy too.
Follow these rules and you’ll slowly make it a tiny bit easier to live in New York City.